I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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