Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize