singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
