He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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