so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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