I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
