So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
