I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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