letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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