Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
