It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize