I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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