Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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