You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
