You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
