better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
