I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
