i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
