i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
