remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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