saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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