I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
