Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
