You can't special order awesome
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
