Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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