wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
soo... how was my night?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
