We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
