you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
