It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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