and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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