She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
