hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
