guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
