I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
