Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He shit in the fireplace
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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