They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
