i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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