I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
