im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
