I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
