Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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