i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
