Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
