I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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