3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
