"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
