Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
