Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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