Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
50% drunk capacity currently
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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