If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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