those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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