Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
