I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
