Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
