I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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