real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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