bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
