I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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