wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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