After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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