I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
