Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
