Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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