Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
