It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
