WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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